When I started this blog I didn’t want to saturate it with long posts about life, I have my other blog for that. This was supposed to be about me trying to openly document my journey of attempting to take more pride in my appearance, brush my hair every now and again, experiment more with fashion and travel, and make fun recipes. Yet somehow, somehow I’m always compelled to write about the slightly less exciting aspects of life, it is what it is I guess.
*WARNING: THIS POST MAY BE LONG, THOSE WHO DON’T LIKE LENGTHY POSTS ARE ADVISED TO SCROLL STRAIGHT TO THE END…OR READ ALONG, YOU NEVER KNOW, YOU MIGHT LIKE IT*
I quit my job yesterday.
Well I didn’t literally quit yesterday, but I worked my last shift there. Why did I quit? I’ll try and explain this in the most simple way because as I’ve previously mentioned, waffling is a skill of mine.
I quit because I want to be a child again.
Sounds weird but that’s the explanation that resinates most within me.
I want to live my life in reverse.
Let me elaborate. BTW If this post seems kind of choppy it’s probably because I keep pausing to eat my pasta and then pickup my train of thought again, apologies, I’m hungry.
So, I’ve been working since I was 16, for many years, I won’t divulge how many but let’s just say it’s been a long time. I’ve travelled a bit, gone to a handful of festivals, and made some beautiful memories. Yet I still feel unaccomplished. By this I’m not referring to my career either, which is still a work in progress, I mean unaccomplished in life. In my experiences, in collecting beautiful and varied memories from the different places I’ve travelled, things I’ve done, and people I’ve met along the way. Please do not get me wrong, I am so grateful to be alive today because not everyone woke up this morning, this is not a woe is me post, this is me openly expressing my solution to the void I have been feeling because if something is not satisfying you and you have the power to change it, then do just that. In continuation of my last point, I feel like most of my childhood/”teen-hood” was either spent in education, or at work and I started to feel claustrophobic and trapped in the cycle of working to survive, exchanging hours of my life to pay bills, travelling to work to pay to travel to work. That was my life for many years and that pretty much took over my identity. I used to draw, I started to learn Farsi, I rollerbladed and played volleyball, but these pastimes slowly diminished. All my interests took a backseat because I was too tired from work. My blog was sparse and the little content it had was sporadic posts here and there in order to touch base with my passion. And then they stopped. And so did my life. I put my life on hold because I had responsibilities to deal with, I had to be an “adult”, and now I want more.
So I quit my full time job and now I’m going to write, I’m going to sit in the bath for an hour and sing till my fingers look like prunes, I’m going to take long walks through the same places I used to rush through during my commute, I’m going to socialise, I’m going to travel, I’m going to have fun and try to find that spark that almost faded completely. I’m still going to work on the side because if I’m being honest, right now I can’t afford not to; but I wont let it consume me the way I allowed it to all these years.
I’m claiming back my youth and I’m living my life in reverse.
If any of you guys feel trapped, try and find a way to get out, or find a simple pleasure that makes it all bearable for you because life is short my dears and the recent tragedies are a huge reminder of that. Life is short so enjoy it. Don’t exist, live.
Here’s a short film I saw which I feel can be relatable in this context.